Hi there.. I'm not sure what to say now, it's all so complicated so be prepared to read unrelated paragraphs and a bit of breaking down.
A joke I had with a friend about me being "everything wrong" is slowly getting real in my life. I guess I have to stop joking about this.
I wanna be strong for myself, for my future, for everyone in my life but there are people who just let you down like that's the right thing to do. Did I do wrong all this time ? Am I doing everything wrong ? What should I do to fix everything ? What should I do to have answers for these questions ?
I hate that I can't enjoy some things just because I have nothing to enjoy. Wth did i said? Yes, just like when you want to celebrate Father's day but you don't have one or because you lost yours. There are thousands of feelings and celebrations I can't enjoy.
People's first impression of me is mostly about how I look irritable (sometimes scary or rude) which is not entirely false, I always have a wall of defense with new people. It's hard to get close with anyone, well gotta admit I don't really like opening up myself to others... I hate being vulnerable. Luckily people around me doesn't ask much, it's good.
So the thing is, I just had a bad morning mood. I feel guilty. I would like to fix it. I just don't know how so I write this. I hope you're having a great morning.