i just realised how much of a failure my life has been

Nobody really knows me. Not even my parents (oh where were you all these years ?) , not even my aunt (well she knows nothing but the surface), not even the people that are categorised as my close ones (nope, they think they know me), who else ? my friends? (oh dearest thank you for having me as a friend).

I have issues with expressing myself, I find it hard to say what I want, I find it super hard to speak out my mind, I find it hard to socialise because I always try to fit in. I was never good enough and still not so I gave up to care about others.

It’s actually painful to think about the wasted years I thought was beautiful, to think about the feelings I kept to myself, to think about the stupid tears I shed, to think about the regrets I can’t count, and to┬áthink about the list of people I pushed away.

that’s what makes me hated by so many people.