I learned something this morning, empathy. Of course I didn’t know what it was, i thought it was another sympathy word… it’s not. Empathy means the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. I don’t even have the ability to understand my own feeling so it was hard for me. I hate it. I tried to listen but the stupid side of me decided to give various unfriendly advice that contains nothing. Where exactly were my feelings? I realised why I’m not good at understanding people, I simply didn’t know what to say. I have few experience related to this part of being human but I didn’t realised how terrible I am until this morning.
There’s a reason why I have 9 diaries, 3 blogs, and several other little notes to spill my heart. I always find it hard to share myself with others, I mean the real me… what I really feel, what I think, what makes me passionate, what freaks me out, what makes me cry instantly, what I love being in love, and thousands other hidden feelings I hold back. I tend to avoid people who wants to be close with me, the stupid wall is still there. It’s all my fault, didn’t try to change myself for good. I think I did opened myself to several people.. well no… several means more than two, so no. I think I did opened myself to specific person(s) I knew, the process was exhausting, the result was average. That was wrong, so wrong. How am I gonna understand other people feelings if I can’t even express myself *sighs* I’m sorry to all my family and friends that had been hurt by my lack of empathy, lack of expressions and sometimes to the extreme of too much unimportant words.
Please don’t hate me, Cheers.