the old & painful

Tears has stopped but I can still feel my pain.

Eyes are dried but they’re empty.

I thought my cried was a sympathy to some cheesy drama but I realize it was my scar.


That old and painful scar,

the one that made me doubt myself,

the one that dried my heart out,

the one that gave me insecurities,

the one that took my picture perfect.


My past is behind me for a reason,

they’re what I made of,

but they’re also the nightmares I have,

they’re like a constant reminder of what I am.


And people say you have today, your present, my present.

My present is not what I expected,

but then everyone else never expected the present.

The present is always different from what we had imagined,

some are different,

some are pretty different,

and some are too different, they can’t accept it.


To think about the future is a bit too much for me, I sometimes forget about the struggles and fights I have to deal.

Every scenario I had in mind is like a wasted notes I keep in a locked drawer, they’re useless.

In the end I get tired imagining all good things.


It’s easy to ignore the scar but I can’t free myself from the pain.

Maybe that’s why I tend to cry even more easily this year.


I hope to feel better,